Living in Cambodia has been a humbling experience for our family, in more ways than one. Seeing the Khmer lifestyle firsthand has help me to understand a depth of God’s love that I admit I hadn’t allowed myself to see or be open to. I have claimed that I have standards and preferences to the way I live, what I live in, and what my living environment looks like. And the truth is, I don’t think a lot of this will change for me because I have a level of not just comfort, but a way in how I want to live and present myself. However, I can see how there’s a defining line between what I live with and how I am living, and it comes down to what matters most.

Phil has often shared that the Khmer people would openly talk about how there’s people who have and people who don’t have. It’s a representation of those that are poor and those that are rich. As we ride the streets every day, I’m surprised by the number of vehicles on the road and the various types of transportation there are. Anywhere from fancy BMWs to a rundown motorcycle pulling a trailer of people, food, or other essentials. I see on the sides of the roads, several families and individuals laboring at their food, drink, or snack stand day in and day out, trying to make ends meet. And we’ve been exposed to the various styles of living conditions, anywhere from a towering apartment living or four level housing, to little wooden shack on stilts, or a tarp and stove under an overpass.

In Siem Reap, we had the opportunity to spend time in the country, where we were exposed to what country life looks like for the Khmer people. Most people had their homes on stilts, with a little shop, restaurant, or service they offer to help them make ends meet. Their homes and land are their places of farming and business.

When Phil was here on his mission, Phnom Penh city was mostly made of homes on stilts or apartments. and the Buddhist Temples. The skyscrapers didn’t exist. Now, twenty + years later, an entire city of skyscrapers emerged, most of which are either empty, occupied business by the Chinese, or more apartments. It’s been nothing like he remembered from before.

We’ve been exposed to kids running around without shoes, begging for food and adults with physical deformities asking for anything you’re willing to give them. We’ve witnessed toddlers running around with maybe a shirt or diaper, barefoot, and tramping through trash debris to pet a malnourished dog, while the parents are managing their food stand nearby. Women wear silk pajamas as their daily clothes because it’s keeps them cool in the heat while protecting their arms and legs from the sun. And we’ve witnessed people sharing the same corner to sell their things and depend on each other when they are short of change for the customer.

While I can’t speak or understand the language, I have been under no impression they anyone is judging, comparing, or resentful towards anyone. They do what they do, and they support each other through it. It isn’t about having more than the other person, it isn’t about who has the fancier things, it’s about supporting, accepting, and helping each other give and serve the best they can with what they have. From what I’ve seen, these people are always willing to help. Our time with these people has shown us how respectful, complimentary, and kind a culture of people can be. Willing to help anyone who needs it, without expectations, no IOU’s, no resentment or judgement. And they’re happy.

One of our remork drivers lives an hour away from his family so he can provide for them. He spends months at a time in the city, driving people around, showing tours so he can send money to his family, only seeing them a couple days every few months. Puts into perspective all those times I complained to my husband about working overtime at his “in-home” office instead of being with the family more.

While I still have a standard in the way I live or how I present myself, I’m learning that true unity and connection in society comes from seeing and treating each other as the same, giving what you can to help others, no matter their circumstance, no matter their status, and no matter what they have or don’t have. It’s Christlike way of being.

It is through witnessing and interacting with the Khmer people that I’ve become aware of my own comparison shame and have personally learned how unnecessary it has been. There are rules that I have developed from a young age of what I must have, what I must look like, color of my skin, hair, clothes I wear, way I talk, or what I should or shouldn’t do to be accepted, included, or belong anywhere. Trying to make others like me so I could fit in. But I’m learning here that what I look like, what I do, what I’ve been through, doesn’t matter. We stand out everywhere we go because our skin is white compared to what they are used to, and they love us. They get excited when we smile or wave and acknowledge them, speak their language, and connect with them. They don’t care what brought us here, what we went through to get here (not that it’s anything compared to their daily challenges, but who’s comparing, right!), or why we’re here. They are happy we’re here and treat us like we are one of them, like sisters and brothers in their great community of people.